Will I ever be?

So this weekend I was blessed to be able to attend my best friends College graduation ceremony, GO RUTH-ANN!!! She graduated with her Bachelors in Social work :) and I am ever so proud of her. She has gone through alot in the past couple of years, and even though lots of things have gone wrong, she still stuck to it and got her degree!!! What a champ!

I watched her walk into the convention center with all the other ASU graduates and accept their diplomas, and I felt such joy for her! What an amazing accomplishment! We got to hang out and have dinner and laugh and joke with our friends and family and when I got home I thought about the events of the evening, and I wondered.............Will I ever get to watch Matthias do this?Will I get to be the proud parent in the convention center running up the isle to take pictures of her handsome son accepting his degree? Will I ever get to be the proud Momma who yells and screams for joy when they call his name for his diploma?

At first I felt sad about it, because the answer to that question is like every other one for a child with autism....I don't know yet, it all depends on how well the biomedical treatments work for him. But then I stepped back and thought about it some more.

I wake up in the mornings and I see a handsome and loving little boy looking at me. One who can call me by name, and give me hugs and kisses, one who is loving and kind, and ever so gentle with his brother... one who is alive..... I am ever so grateful, for the Lord blessing me with their gift of life. I have met so many moms out their that have lost the babys just like me much to early in this life andI am so grateful for his life.

So no matter what happens in the future, whether he does graduate from college or not, I will ALWAYS be the proud Momma of Matthias, who takes pictures of him JUST because he ate a piece of cucumber and I will continue to yell and clap with joy when he continuously gets himself dressed, one who will one day prayerfully watch her son walk across a stage to accept a diploma, either way it goes I WILL be the mom who experiences those joys in life.

Much love