The day Keane was born into this world, I will never forget . I had been in labor and bleeding for three days. I remember being so distraught with having to chose my life or my child's life, and I was inconsolable constantly begging my sister Dawn to ask the doctors to do another ultrasound so I could see him. They were certain he would not be born alive, and were concerned it would only make me even more upset.
My loving family and friends were in and out of the hospital everyday, my beautiful friend Becky and my sisters Di and Dawn staying nites with me freezing their toes off as I was extremely hot, my sisters lovingly help change my bedding as I was constantly bleeding and my nurses were not always able to get there asap.
I can't tell you enough, how much it meant to me to have my sisters and friends there with me. They have ALWAYS been my shoulders to cry on, and they have always been there when I needed them the most. I have to say publicly to my wonderful sisters Dawn and Diane and my friend, Becky and Ruth-Ann (if you wouldn't have been so sick I KNOW you would have been there in person) ... THANK YOU for loving me...Through out all of this journey with Keane YOU were there, I love YOU so much for your love and dedication not only to me but to my boys in heaven and earth.
Now remember alot of this process is foggy to me, but this is what I can recall from my memories....In the morning of the third day of my labor I clearly remember telling Glenn to go home and check on things at his home(he didn't want to leave) but I insisted because nothing had happened so far. After about 4 hours of him being gone, I called him and told him he should get back up to the hospital as I felt it was going to happen soon. My sister Diane (god bless her) was there with me as I asked her to stay to be there.
The nurse had just left and I told Di that I could feel the baby was coming and the nurse came right back in, and caught him coming out. Glenn literally walked around the corner not 20 seconds after I delivered our baby. I remember the nurse handing him to me, and thinking he is so small, but so perfect. I cried and Glenn and I talked about how much he looked like Glenn's oldest son. I searched every inch of him so I could remember every part of him. I kissed his sweet little face, hands, feet and told him how much I loved him. I watched in amazement as he breathed and fought to stay alive. Sadly our precious little Keane was just to small for life. Born at 19 1/2 weeks gestation he was just to small.
I remember Diane leaving so we could have our time together, as a family. I remember Glenn and I talking about how we wanted to share him with everyone that was there. My family and friends all came in one by one to see him and hold him to see how beautiful he was. Its amazing to see just how perfect a baby is at 19 weeks, he had all his fingers and toes cute little nose and lips, long legs like his daddy, and sweet little feet. Even though he was so small and we didn't know how long we had and we wanted to make sure our friends/family had a chance to be a part of his life.
We had the chaplain come and baptise him with the family and friends present we all gathered around and prayed over him and dedicated his short life to the Lord. Glenn went with the nurses and Keane to chose a special gown for him and a blanket, the nurses came in and took Polaroids and digital pictures of him and us together. I can't speak highly enough about St.Josephs they took great care of me, my family/friends and our son.
After everyone visited with us, we had two more family and friends come a little later and they got to say hello/goodbye to him. After they left, I realized how much pain I was in, and how tired I was, and with Glenn's caring advice to me, we said our goodbyes (although I don't remember that part very clearly at all) and they took our baby to the NICU to pass away in peace. I struggled with that decision for so long as I felt like I had abandoned him, yet I knew it was what I needed as I was in so much pain. But after I got my hospital records and his, I discovered they took him to the NICU only an hour before he passed away. Keane Michael lived 6 hours here on this earth, and each of them were filled with love for him.
Even now 7 years later, as I type this I still cry as I relive those memories in my head and heart. Keane forever lives on in my spirit and soul. I cherish the time I had with him, to hold him and tell him how much I love him, to kiss his sweet little face and thank God for the perfect little boy He created. I will love you forever my sweet baby boy!
Till we meet in Heaven one day!
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7 comments:
What a sad and also a beautiful day that was. The Lord blessed us with seeing and holding that beautiful boy while he was alive, and to be there when God took him home. Our sorrow will continue till the day we see him again. But our peace is knowing Keane is in the arms of the Lord.
Love you
Lori
I'm so sorry you lost your precious son so soon.
What a long labor you had and it couldn't have been easy. (((hugs))) I'm so glad you had such wonderful people to surround you during that time. It's so amazing that your Keane lived for 6 hours! I'm so glad you got that time with him and that all of your family and friends could meet him.
No Mother should ever have to choose her life or her child's. I was told I might have had to make the decision, but it turned out my daughter made it for me.
I'm glad you got some time with him. Bittersweet, I know. But can you imagine how much MORE painful this would be if we didn't believe in God? If we didn't know that someday we would see our precious children again?
I long for, and impatiently wait for, that day.
(hugs)
Your son is so precious. I loss my son when I was nineteen and a half weeks pregnant. It's nice that you were able to share him with your friends and family. He sounds like he was quite the little trooper! To live for six hours, at 19 weeks, is amazing!
Re: Your comment at my page.
Chaya was born at almost 25 weeks gestation. She was VERY small for gestational age because the placenta wasn't working properly, my blood pressure was very high, and it appears as though she had Potter's Syndrome (no kidneys, which means low to none amniotic fluid, which means poor growth). A typical 25 week old weighs over one pound, she only weighed nine ounces. We kept hoping she was just going to be a small baby.
Thank you for stopping by. And thank you for the comments on Chaya's slide show.
Oh, Lisa...what a journey... You really endured a lot to deliver your sweet Keane. Thank you so much for joining us and sharing him with us. My heart aches as I read these journeys...but I know there is healing in the telling and sharing. And...especially as we pray for one another.
Love to you,
Kelly
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