I clearly remember all the work it took to even get him the diagnosis of what was wrong with him, all along hoping and praying it wasn't the big 'A'. I had heard of autism, but didn't know anyone with a child who had it. We ruled out hearing loss, and a few other developmental disorders that it possibly could be and then started with AZ Early Intervention, they came in evaluated him, talked to me and then told us we needed to go and see a Psychologist to get him evaluated. The big day was Friday, October 13, 2006.
Handsomes Dad and I loaded him up in the car and drove to the Psychologists office. We waited in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. It was the same routine I had been through SO many times already, 'Fill out this paper work, stating all his history from birth to current, along with all of my history, his dads history, and all the information about my pregnancies and so on and so forth. After filling out the 15 page booklet :) we went back.
She was a very nice lady and while we were in their she asked us lots of questions while she watched our son play. She pointed out things to me, that I never noticed before, like... " You see how he plays with those blocks, he doesn't play with them the way a child should, he picks them up looks at them and then throws them"
After many questions and lots of pointing out of what our son is doing. She sat back and asked me, "How long have you thought something may be wrong?" and I told her " Since he was about 15 months old"
And then she said it, " Unfortunately, I see a lot of this lately...." pause " Have you ever heard of autism?"
My heart sank " Yes.." and then she said it " Your son has autism.... I would put him in the category of Severe to Moderate, seeing as he is so young he may be able to make some progress" " Unfortunately , there is no cure, with time and therapy he might be able to make some progress and talk, but I can't say for sure what kind of progress he will make. I can tell you that the more intervention you get for him the better it may get." You should learn to accept that he may only progress this far and that's it and just accept him as he is......
Through the fog of crying I heard what she was saying, but was so overcome with fear, grief and disappointment for my son. We sat and listened to her, and took all the paperwork she had for us and she walked us down the hall. I politely excused myself to the restroom, where I completely fell in to tears. All I could think of was " How can this be?" Why my son? Haven't we struggled enough already? Why does Handsome have to struggle? What will we do?
I tried desperatley to hold it together for my son, I didn't want to upset him. I was so glad Glenn was there cause Handsome really needed his daddy right then.... AS I was about to walk through the door, I heard the Doctor tell his dad, this is going to be a rough road, some children progress a little further, but most don't.... you will walk through a lot of feelings, and its okay that she is upset, let her work through it, I"m sorry this has happened, and she left.
I dried my eyes and walked out and held it together, We really didn't say much on the ride home as we both were in shock of it all. Glenn tried his best to reassure me it would be okay, I was just filled with so much grief I could barely speak.....He told me if I needed him he would stay, but I knew he needed to go to work. I felt so bad because I knew he was going through the same feelings I was, but I just couldn't think or speak, I was numb...
I dropped him off, drove down the street parked the car in a grocery store parking lot and called my sister. I remember when she answered the phone I could barely speak, she heard me crying and said " Are you okay? What did they say? Do you need me to come and get you?"
I finally was able to form the words. " Handsome has autism" She told me to come to her store and she would meet me outside, she did and she comforted me and told me it would be okay. I remember finally getting home that night, and putting him to bed and watching him and thinking, whats going to happen to him? How will this ever be ok? I cried for what seems like weeks, but really only allowed myself a few days, and then I dug my feet in and read everything I could!
This past year, he has made HUGE progress only because we decided to do biomedical treatments. No one can convince me that it doesn't work, because it does... and Handsome is a living testimony to how well it works. He is not recovered yet, but that is the goal.... In just two short weeks, we will see Pierre Fontaine to start Homeopathy! We are so excited for the opportunity to do this for Handsome. I know its just one more step for him on the road to recovery.
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