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    Saturday, July 25, 2009

    oh boy....

    Today was an interesting day... I never thought I would say this but.... I wish I could get Handsome to poop.... after 6 day son diflucan he is having LOTS of yeast die off, but its not coming out because he is pooping but not enough to get ride of it all. Anyway, we have increased his vitamin c intake per his DAN doctor and will do so until we have poop.

    Swine flu baby is doing oh so much better, not a trace of it left. He is getting into LOTS and LOTS of trouble all day long. LOL its funny because I am not use to having a typical kid :)... I was so accustomed to my child just sitting quietly watching TV or playing by themself, of course at that time I had NO idea this was not typical. NOW I do :) but its comforting in the same sense to know that Littleman is oh so typical.

    I did get to spend LOTS of time by myself with my boys for once. It was nice, seeing as I live in a house of 6 and I rarely ever get the house to myself with my boys. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, its just nice to bealbe to sit with my boys and be our own family for awhile.

    Heres praying we see some major pooping happening for Handsome :) lol

    Much Love,

    Thursday, July 23, 2009


    Well today is day 4 on the diflucan, and boy oh boy can you tell he is going through what they call 'Yeast Die off" To put a very long story short, today was a hard day. He didn't listen to anyone most of the day, he is CONSTANTLY putting his hands, fingers in his mouth all day/night long, stimming/shaking his hands or feet all day, crying for no reason, screaming for no reason and then tonight, when I told him it was time to go take a shower.. he proceeded to throw the biggest crying meltdown he has ever had. I haven't seen one like this since he was very young, it lasted for 20 minutes!

    There is nothing harder for a momma, when your child is crying for some apparent reason, and you can not get them to calm down. I tried everything, and finally after he showered I got him in my room to dry off and get dressed and I laid him next to me on the bed and held him and he calmed down. I had tried that minutes before with NO success, but for what ever reason it worked then. Just like that, the tears were gone and he was talking about reading a book and watching the pajanimals.

    Poor Handsome, he tells me each night.. Mommy, my tummy hurts. I'm sure it does but trust me baby it will feel better soon! FIVE years of yeast overgrowth and finally we are getting him help :) Thank you Jesus, for giving us the generous lenders on lend4health. I seriously can not speak highly enough about Tori and the wonderful lenders.

    Well, its been a long day. Time for me to wrap things up and get to bed, trying to be good about that lately and get to bed not long after the boys do.

    Here's to another day of progress! Keep praying for my Handsome :) And Littleman is so much better :) You'd never guess he had swine flu.

    Much Love,

    Wednesday, July 22, 2009

    Walking with you, Grace for the Journey - The Sea of Grief

    Its that time again where I share my thoughts and feelings with a wonderful group I belong too called, Walking with you, Grace for the Journey.

    Please feel free to read on, and if you know someone/or if you are grieving the loss of a baby please tell them about this wonderful site.

    This weeks post is ' A Time to weep' Walking in the Sea of Grief

    Its so hard to delve into those raw emotions I felt instantly when I knew my son had gone to heaven. I huge aching hole was left in my soul, not just my heart. I cried all the time, and felt as if it would never ever end. For weeks and weeks I cried, sometimes in private, other times I would be at work just trying to do my job and the tears would come. I remember walking away from my desk MANY times because I started crying. MY soul ached for my son.

    Even though I know it wasn't my fault I went through those stages of, maybe if I wouldn't have done this, or that my pregnancy would have lasted JUST a few weeks longer and he would still be here today. The grief was so horrific and mind numbing. Even though I slept, I dreamed of him. Dreams of him being in my arms and me playing with him and singing to him. All I wanted to do was sleep. I remember the day I had to return to work, I just sucked it up and put on a brave face and went. My friends all asked how I was and I muttered I'm fine, but really... I wasn't. I was grieving every moment of the day. I remember thinking I would never be able to laugh again. When Christmas came (Keane was born in November) I didn't want to celebrate(which is not like me). I tried comforting myself by buying ornaments in memory of him, but anytime I saw them I cried. I put on a brave face for my family and friends, because I felt bad that I had somehow caused this grief in everyones life. I felt as if I had failed in my relationship with the Lord too, somehow I wasn't strong enough to just pull through this and cling to him. I won't lie at first I was extremely angry at Him. I had seen Him heal people time and time again, but why not for me? Why not my son?

    I wagged a bitter war with myself on this issue for a year. But thankfully, my God is a God of Grace and understanding. He knew what I was feeling, because He felt it too. Soon, I became a strong swimmer in the sea of grief. I learned how to manuever through the waves of grief on bad days, and how to float in the sea on good days. People often have asked me how did I move on? I didn't really 'move' on. I learned how to live WITH my grief, its a struggle, but you get there. To this day, my grief for my son Keane is still there in my core. I have days where it hits me out of the blue, and I accept that now. I will grieve for him, till the day I see him again and I cling to that, because thats how I have learned to be a strong swimmer in the sea of grief. Its keeps me going :). You learn little by little, day by day, how to adjust to the "new normal". I'm still adjusting 7 years later, but I am thankful for the Journey He has brought me on.


    Today is...

    Day 3 of Diflucan for Handsome... and I have to say, I thought by now it would be alot worse. Don't get me wrong, we have had none stop crying all day long, sometimes its because I say no about something and other times its for nothing. We haven't had crying fits for along time so I know this is from the yeast die off. He also has a diaper rash pretty bad and is doings TONS of vocal stimming all day long.

    BUT, today I also saw something HUGE and so wonderful for Handsome. I had gone to Trader Joes today (one of my fav places to shop) and brought the groceries from there home, and I was on my way out the door, and did my normal goodbye and Handsome took my hand and said " Can I come with you?" WHAT??!!!???!!! I was FLOORED at first I didn't even know what to say! Then I said to him " Handsome, I wish I could take you with me, but we can't today" I wanted to explain further but it would have been to confusing for him :)

    ***Side Note(See the only reason I couldn't take him was because of his brother having swine flu... I know I don't have it, but seeing as Handsome can't tell me if he is feeling sick or not, we are playing it safe with him and not taking him anywhere this week)

    That is HUGE for Handsome, in his whole 5 years of life, he has NEVER EVER asked me " Can I come with you?" I was so happy!!! So we are seeing some good things from the diflucan :) But I know sooner or later the really bad poops will be coming, so I'm sure I will have my fill of yucky stuff soon.

    I am sending off some of his labs tomorrow :) so that is exciting too :) OH YAY some HUGE news for Lend4health kiddos!!! Sun Valley Tech here in Phoenix Arizona http://www.svtsolutions.com/ :) loaned $3383 and got 5 kids loans FULLY FUNDED!!!! That is FABULOUS news! I consider myself blessed to know the man behind this generousity, and to him I say thank you again for the 100 billionth time!

    Well as you can imagine I have my hands full this week, with Littleman having swine flu and Handsome on Diflucan :) its been an interesting week so far :)

    Here's to much more progress to come :)

    Much Love,

    Monday, July 20, 2009

    Tuesday Blog Hop!!!

    Well ladies and gents its that time again! Blog Hop!! :) Come and join the fun!

    This weeks its all about your favorite recipes... here is one of mine :) My mom use to make this alot when I was a teenager, me and my friends would gobble it up. I made a few variations on it, I've never actually written it down, I just make it from memory... I Hope you like it!

    Crockpot enchilada Casserole


    2 bunches of green onions

    1 large bag of corn tortillas (50 count or more)

    3 cans of green chilis

    2 cans of green enchilada sauce

    1-2 bags of shredded cheese(we use a casein free product but you can use real cheese)

    1-2 pounds of ground chicken or turkey (you can use beef if you like)

    ***Cook up ground chicken/turkey and set to the side

    In a large crockpot start making layers as follows:

    Pour some green enchilada sauce on the bottom of crockpot enough to evenly coat the bottom, next put a layer of corn tortillas to cover the bottom, on top of tortillas put a layer of ground chicken/turkey, on top of that sprinkle some green chilis and green onions, on top of that put a layer of green sauce, on top of that put a liberal amount of cheese, then top it with another layer of corn tortillas... Do that same process over again until you get to the top of your crockpot. Once you get to the top make sure you layer with generous amount of green sauce, green chilis and top it off with cheese.

    Set crockpot on medium , usually takes about 2-3 hours, cooking time varies depending on your crockpot. You'll know when its done because the sauce and cheese will be bubbling. You can also make this in a conventional oven, just put it in a large pan and put it on 360 for about an hour.

    Garnish your plate with corn tortilla chips and home made salsa!!

    Start here with your content. Replace this paragraph, and everything down to AND INCLUDING the word: STOP. DO NOT REMOVE OR CHANGE THE CODE BEYOND THE WORD STOP BELOW! This has been the most requested theme, so I hope we have a record turnout. Please put up a post with your favorite recipe, or if you don't have the recipe, a photo of your favorite dish and a description. Here's a sample post I did for you: http://www.mcklinkyblog.com/2009/07/mcklinky-blog-hop-for-july-21-2009.html Also, be sure to submit your recipe here too: http://www.mcklinky.com/recipes.asp! I WILL CREATE A MckLinky RECIPE BOOK, AND MAKE IT AVAILABLE TO ALL BLOG HOPPERS FOR FREE! ...STOP
    MckLinky Blog Hop

    Pictures of our weekend

    Seeing as we were secluded to our home, thanks to the swine flu :) all weekend we played lots inside and I took LOTS of pictures.
    Swine Flu baby not feeling well,I feel so bad for him :(

    Happy Handsome :)

    Gears... Gotta love these things....

    He loves playing with his gears, these simple little toys were the first thing that he started talking for at Speech therapy :)

    You'd never guess just a few days ago he was miserable!!


    Matthias through autism 2006 till today

    With this video

    Press play first, then press pause, and let it load for a few moments, otherwise the video will stop to load it alot when your watching it.

    This song speaks so much to me,to know the trials I have gone through are not .. Unredeemed by Selah

    Matthias Road to Recovery - This is what Faith can do! .